Today’s postcard is from Amanda Feral, the heroine of Mark’s Celebrity Ghoul series, donut connoisseur and all-around fashion diva.
Take it away Amanda!
So, Amanda Feral here…greetings from the recovery ward! I thought I’d drop you guys a quick note, to let everyone know I’m alive and kicking–well kicking, anyway–and fill you in on all the swank happenings. After penning my latest memoir, Road Trip of the Living Dead, out February 24th wherever it is you gorgeous people buy books, I thought I’d treat myself to a little cosmetic freshening. Just a smidge. A zombie’s got to keep her *expletive deleted* fresh, after all.
Wendy’s in the bed next to mine, wrapped up mummy-style and lording over the remote control like some bloated house husband–don’t get me started on the pile of Twix littering her blankets or the frequency of her bathroom trips. To say she’s getting on my last nerve, is…well, let’s just say, it’s not going to be much longer before I jump over there and snatch that clicker out of her bony hands. There’s only so much Judge Mathis I can take.
Thank God Gil stops by to visit, at least I can understand what he’s saying (that’s right Wen, I can’t understand you with your *expletive deleted* mouth full of miniature candy bars). He brings me all the supernatural gossip rags, the occasional Vogue (which I prefer–when I throw it at Wendy, it’s more likely to leave a divot) and news of his latest romantic entanglements, which have been woefully minimal. He’s always a pleasant face, which is more than I can say for Nurse Ratched–the little blonde reaper makes me call her that, even withholds dinner if I don’t. And to think, I pay for…oh wait…here she comes–
For more Amanda and her ghoulie gang, pick up Road Trip of the Living Dead on February 24th, or preorder it now from Amazon. You can visit Amanda’s ghostwriter (Mark Henry) at http://www.markhenry.us